Day 11

Interoffice Memorandum

As a result of the less than anticipated earnings during the last quarter, several cost cutting strategies have been implemented:

Cafeteria:
1. There will be no more milk or cream for coffee in the cafeteria. Employees requiring such additions to their coffee may purchase a carton of milk or cream for their personal use.
2. Likewise, there will be no large containers of salad dressing on the salad bar. Employees desiring to dress their salads must purchase individual packets of the salad dressing of their choice.
3. We will no longer use Grade A beef for our hamburgers. Grade X affords a substantial savings over Grade A and is still labeled Fit for Human Consumption by the FDA.

Restrooms:
1. Toilet paper has been placed on an automatic dispenser. Three squares of toilet tissue will be allotted per visit, per flush. To prevent employees from flushing multiple times in an effort to secure more toilet paper, cameras have been installed.
2. The water in the sinks has been turned off. All employees will be issued a personal container of hand sanitizer.

Lighting:
1. All current lighting will be replaced with sensor lighting. This means, for those to whom this does not make sense, that when you leave your cubicle, your light will go off. This also means that while people are traversing the hallways, the lights will go on and off accordingly as people pass under them. While we recognize that this may create a distracting strobe effect, management believes that the cost savings is worth it.