Day 18

Interoffice Memorandum

In an effort to foster leadership and interdepartmental team development, we have established a series of employee workshops. The first workshop, which is voluntary but will be used against you in your performance evaluation if you choose not to attend, will be held on Friday at 3pm. This is after the Friday summer hour leave time. Again, participation is voluntary.

This first session will focus on stress management. In this session participants will learn to:

1. Understand and communicate more effectively with difficult co-workers using the tools of (1) ignoring them completely and (2) eating their brains.

2. Manage challenging work situations like deadlines with a greater sense of calmness and clarity of mind by (1) ignoring deadlines completely and (2) drinking the blood of anyone who bothers you to boost cognitive clarity.

3. Reduce stress with clinically-proven techniques that can be done in a few moments such as (1) knocking someone irritating over the head and eating their brains.

4. Enhance personal productivity by (1) not giving a hoot about the outcome and (2) consuming a diet high in nourishing brains.