Day 20

Interoffice Memorandum

In an effort to foster leadership and interdepartmental team development, we have established a series of employee workshops. The third workshop, which is voluntary but will be used against you in your performance evaluation if you choose not to attend, will be held on Friday at 3pm. This is after the Friday summer hour leave time. Again, participation is voluntary.
This third session will focus on career survival.

This course is designed to provide participants with the opportunity to review the changes that have taken place in their lives since they have been employed. These include, but are not limited to:

1. A flat affect or nonchalance about pretty much everything; a feeling of automation;

2. A nervous paranoia that you are being controlled by an insidious force;

3. An odd feeling of spiritual connection with the Stepford Wives;

4. Severe confusion resulting from your disgust at your current circumstances but that fact that something unidentifiable compels you to do it anyway;

5. A feeling of murderous rage directed at the following groups of people: (a) the independently wealthy (b) artists, because they like what they do even if they often make no money doing it (c) politicians, because they like what they do even though nobody else likes it (d) happy people generally.

6. An insatiable craving for protein and mineral rich cell matter, a.k.a. brains.

Survival techniques will be presented and discussed so participants can maximize personal and professional performance and satisfaction, i.e., you’ll feel better about it all when we’ve brainwashed you a little more.